No Regrets

My first digital story about myself and my father made in 2004.

If anything that 2020 has taught us, it is to value being alive in the here and now, to find ways to make home enticing as a destination in itself. Feeling right at home can mean feeling at home in your own body, comfortable about where you are and who you are.

But it is very easy to feel un-easy, a failure, constantly judging yourself and your shortfalls. I’ve been guilty about comparing myself to other people and their work. I consider comparisonitis to be an addictive disease, if you let it take hold, it can eat away at you, eroding your self confidence so that you feel like turning up your toes and giving up.

My father once said to me “think of all of that you have already achieved, rather than what you haven’t. Regret is not worth hanging onto.” He was right and the day before he died he spent his last hours telling me of the people he had contacted, the bills that had been paid and a good book he was enjoying reading. He died the next morning. I’m sure he left no regrets.

I’ve been thinking about what you leave behind as your legacy. It’s a unique expression of your time on earth, what you’ve done, who you have helped, how you have lived your life. 

I think of my achievements. I may not have written a book, but I have self-published books of my own poetry and art. I haven’t won the Archibald Prize but then again I’ve never entered it and probably won’t. It’s not something I aspire to.

Not long after my father died I attended a digital storytelling workshop at ACMI (Australian Centre of Moving Images). I thought I had come to learn about how to tell other people’s stories through a digital lens. I learnt that what they wanted were personal stories and so my first digital film about myself and my family was born. I knew very little about how to do it at that stage. They taught us to write our own unique stories, to bear witness to our lives. 

It was all very raw to me as I wept through a box of tissues writing it. This was a way to make sense of something that had recently happened in my life and I was able to turn it into a video. I was hooked.

Now I think nothing of turning the lens on myself, but back then, coming from a journalist background, it was a new concept. It certainly helped me with my art which is all about personal self expression. It has also helped me with my mentoring, reminding others that their story is unique and to tell it in whatever way they choose to express themselves.

So when people say to me what’s the point of creating more art to put into the world, there is nothing new under the sun, I know what my answer is. You have all that you need already inside of you. It’s like a map of your life, unfold it and see where you have been because it also helps you set your true north compass point for where you want to be next. Your creative self expression is your legacy. Be proud to share it with the world, no comparisons, no regrets.

My father, Alex Matthew and me. Still from A Writer’s Legacy movie