The Wobbles

Video still at Mooball Creek estuary, Pottsville with a drawing on paper.

You’re about to leave your job. You have the resignation letter in your hand then you have second thoughts.

You decide on a grand adventure, research all the places you want to go, are about to book the tickets then you decide its not the right time or it’s too expensive or you can’t leave your dog/cat/partner….

You are in the middle of a making work for a big project and are nearly finished then you doubt if it’s any good….

You’ve got the wobbles!

It’s that old self doubt creeping back into your thoughts when you are about to do something a bit scary, a bit out there, or wild and ambitious. It can completely derail all your plans and decisions.

If you know that ‘the wobbles’ are going to happen at some point in your next big project, it is good to be prepared so you can know what to do when they strike.

There is a whole chapter devoted to them in The Artists Way book by Julia Cameron. She calls it ‘escape velocity”. The adrenaline needed to make a big decision, the resolve to carry it through, then the test. That’s the one where where you are being asked: “how serious are you about following through with your idea”?

I’ve had it happen many times before. The most recent time I remember was five years ago when I was working at a job. It was a Friday. I had my resignation letter typed up and in my bag. I was going to hand it in at the end of the day. But the HR (Human Resources) person had her door shut so I thought I’d wait until Monday.

I walked to the carpark, got into my car and there was a missed message on my phone. It was from a hospital, asking for me. I rang them back. It was a case of mistaken identity about a heart issue. I was a bit rattled, but put it down to human error. It did have me thinking though. “Is this message? Should I be putting my health first?”

I got to the end of the car park driveway, debating whether to go home or turn around and go back to the HR person again. Was I really strong enough to resign? Dear reader, I turned around, parked the car, walked back into the office, knocked on her door and handed her the letter. I have never regretted it!

Which brings me back to this week when I had a case of the wobbles. My book of images and poems for my project, Art of Place | Pottsville was finally at the printers. Now it was time to focus on finishing my film. That’s where I started to unravel.

I was worried about the film’s structure. Did it flow? I talked to my supervisor in London on zoom, full of doubts. I couldn’t remake the film now as the photos of the artwork were already in the book. She was supportive, said all the right things and urged me to keep going. She also suggested that a cohesive soundtrack would help tie everything together.

At 6am the next morning, I walked down to the little lily lagoon to record more birdsong. Then the recorder jammed. I went home, tried to fix it and couldn’t. On examination, I discovered there was a micro storage card (like a SIM card) in it. But I needed a different device to read it with in order to get the file onto my computer.

At that point I felt like giving up. Although there was still plenty of time left to finish the film, it all started to feel too hard. I was getting ready to go away for a week, it was too hot. Plenty of excuses.

However I knew about these “wobbles” so I researched where to buy a microcard reader, drove to the nearest town and bought one. It worked. That particular problem solved. There will probably be new problems between now and January, but I think it will be OK.

Sometimes encouragement from someone with a different perspective is required to turn the wobbles around. It gives you confidence to find solutions when problems pop up.

I still don’t have time to do any more on the film before I go away, but I know that I will come back to the project rested and with a fresh approach. A bit of R&R will do wonders to keep “the wobbles” at bay. I know now that I will finish the film. It might not be perfect, but it will be done.

Pottsville Waters - video still from film Art of Place | Pottsville