What if?

From the Deep Sea (detail) 2021 Poured paper pulp…work in progress

My studio (and my head) are in a state of creative mess. It’s not pleasant! I am feeling guilty for neglecting my studio practice while the sun is shining outside. I yearn to be doing the things I love but instead have found myself doing things I don’t love so much. Time to change.

The first thing will be to tidy up my studio. This always works a treat. It’s like a fresh coat of paint without having to wash the walls down first. Putting things away, scrubbing down my bench, sorting materials into piles to be processed. Studio housework…

This then leads to looking at the work(s) I have lying on my studio benches. In my mind I have several projects on the go - but perhaps they are one and the same thing. I have made a huge sheet of paper that I am not particularly in love with. But repurposing it into several sheets for backgrounds means that two projects can come together as one.

It’s about looking at the work with new eyes. Feeling dissatisfied with the unresolved pieces lying around. Trying out new formats, starting with What if…This is always a good place to start as it gets the creative juices flowing.

What if I put this piece with that, I could stitch them together, add depth and texture, add layers of meaning. It’s like a map that leads you back to yourself. This deep sea creature emerging from turbulent waters. Is this me?

Sometimes I think that we don’t know what we have created until we get to that AHA moment - oh yes, that was the feeling I was trying to express. Maybe it is a new direction to go on with the next artworks. And so the process goes, the work leads you into the work.

It is really easy to give up. Be totally dissatisfied with what you are doing. Staying the course and holding steady are often the most courageous things you can do. It’s like steering into the wind, one moment you feel like you’re getting nowhere, the next you are buffeted and swept off your feet. It’s trusting that one day soon the wind will drop you into that still calm spot and everything looks different. That’s what I’m relying on. And now to start tidying the studio…

Behind the scenes in my messy studio, waiting to tidy up.